Let’s be real — if your last three texts to them were “hey,” “??” and “nvm,” it might be time to stop entertaining emotional tumbleweeds and start prioritising someone who actually knows how to press your buttons… like, all of them. ✨
Enter: your vibrator. The reliable, rechargeable, never-leaves-you-on-read icon that always understands the assignment.
💬 Situationships: Cute in theory, exhausting in reality.
They say just enough to keep the butterflies alive, but not enough to actually be there. They cancel plans last minute. They say things like “I’m just bad at texting” (but somehow always post to their Story). They breadcrumb you through Sunday nights and leave you overthinking every dry "wyd?"
Meanwhile, your sex toy? Consistent. Committed. Quiet when you need it to be. Never ghosted you once.
Text thread vs. Toy thread
Let’s compare:
| Situationship | Vibrator |
|---|---|
| Replies "lol" to your flirty texts | Has 10 intensity settings, none of which are emotionally unavailable |
| Calls you "dude" during sex | Calls you to the bedroom without saying a word |
| Forgets your birthday | Is the gift |
| Comes too fast | Doesn't stop 'til you do (and will happily go again) |
We're not saying dump them just because they’re boring — but we are saying your bullet vibe has better timing, better energy, and won’t ruin your day with a “u up?” at 1:43am.
Reclaim your power (and your orgasms)
There’s nothing wrong with craving connection. But when it comes at the cost of your peace, your time, and your pleasure? It’s a no from us, babe.
Solo sex isn’t just the backup plan — it’s the main event. It’s reclaiming your body, tuning into your own needs, and knowing that the hottest kind of intimacy is the one where you’re in control. With the lights low. And your fave toy freshly charged.
Self-pleasure > mixed signals
So the next time you’re tempted to double-text that human embodiment of beige... remember: your vibe doesn’t need dinner first. And it definitely won’t make you question your worth.
Ready to break up with bad energy?
Meet The NIROBI Pro Bullet — sleek and more reliable than your last three talking stages combined. It’s the kind of partner that always shows up (and turns up the settings exactly how you like it).
Because your pleasure deserves more than maybe.
